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I just noticed some people from Russia have joined in (doesn't specify your area so don't get your panties in a bunch!)!!!!!!!! That's freaking AWESOOOOOOOOOME!!!!!!!!
It's almost midnight here and I really should get my fat ass to bed but i'm so giddy I wish I could google how to say "welcome" but i'm too fucking lazy to do that SO, i'm just going to say WELCOME!!! Thanks for tuning in!!! Granted I haven't been on lately and you can give me a cyber kick in the ass which is FINE but that's okay, because i've been fucking sick so, deal with it!!! You try typing on the damn keyboard when your blowing snot all live long day because your kids finally succeeded in giving you the ol' FUCK YOU with their damn germs! Sure they say "Oh mommy, i'm so sorry you don't feel so good" but I bet you 5 bucks they're in their rooms laughing their asses off that you can't yell at them because you have a sore throat and have absolutely no strength to smack them upside their heads when they decide to get all pissy with eachother!!! ((sigh))
This past week has had me all over the map. It's like a clusterfuck of holy shitness that makes your head wanna spin! I won't tell you about it all but I will just touch it a bit.....Clusterfuck....... I love that word.. CLUSTER-FUCK!!!!!!! LET'S SAY IT OUT LOUD!!!!!!
CLUSTERFUCK!!!!!!!!!
Isn't it fun to say!!?? Whatever. I don't think your enjoying it as much as I am..
ANYWAAAAAY... All last week I was trying to see if it was possible to OD on Vitamin C and Eccinacea because I did NOT want to get sick! Then people were telling me that it's not possible, I would just piss out what my body didn't need, whatever! Not like I was expecting to get on a Vit C trip dreaming of tie dyed oranges floating around the damn room or anything, I just DID NOT want to get sick!!! After my last post I had to head outta town for a couple of day's; and though I have internet access to update my blog via phone, I had way too much going on to be figuring out how to copy and paste shit to add cute pictures onto my blog! YES I think your worth entertaining with visual aids, I quite like them myself, BUT, whatever. it was too much at THE TIME...
Why did I head outta town you may be wondering? STOP BEING NOSEY!!! I'm kidding of course, I waaaaaaas going to tell you, just be patient, jeez! Anyway, seeing as there are some of you from all over the damn world that doesn't know me, I like running. So, I went out of town to run a half-marathon with a few friends of mine! Not that many people like doing it, hell, my own friend was wondering how in the living hell I convinced her to speedwalk it!!!! I figure, i'm just THAT fucking charming!!!!!
No, not really, but I like to think so......
HAHAHA!!!!!!!!
So, an old high school friend of mine and I decided to take off and run this thing and see what I can do! Granted, my ass had BARELY decided to take this shit seriously last month and even took a 10 day vacation, came back, trained another two weeks, then BAM! Time to run! What the fuck was I thinking??? Seriously, I don't mind running the 13.1 miles. I like pain. Pain is good... what I don't like, is going to the damn expo with all the people in their running gear. SERIOUSLY!!?? Must you really fucking run up and down stairs and show off? I get it, we're ALL here to fucking run!!! By the looks of it, your ass ain't winning the cash money so KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF!!!!!!!! One day i'm going to trip one of these fuckers... I'm such a dick...
I don't know the age range you people are, and i'm aware that some of you may not know what the fuck i'm talking about, but i'm old enough to know what ANIMALYMPICS are. Me and my friend ran in SYNC!!!!! She was like my damn running coach, my shadow, my hero!!! She tappity tap tapped some shit on her wrist gadget and I was just drooling! I think she told me "I will keep your pace, speed up when you do and slow down when you do. Just let me know what pace you don't want to go under and I will let you know when you hit it!?" She had me at "Tappity tap tap" because I had NO FUCKING CLUE what she just said, I just saw her mouth moving and I just smiled and kept looking at her watch thingamajig like I was gonna steal it!!! If I had thought bubbles, she would of seen the little hearts coming out my head because my ass doesn't even wear a watch let alone some nifty gadget to keep my pace!!!!!!!
Anyway, there I was feeling like a super sexxy momma, wearing my new little pouch to carry my phone that said "This isn't sweat, it's liquid Awesome!". I was so totally ready, BRING IT BITCH! I said to the race!!! And there I was "running". Sometimes I would show off so my friends little gadget would think I was the shit, until my legs reminded me that i'm soOOooOOoo totally NOT!!!!
After a 13.1 miles, a few entertaining signs (my favorites being WORST PARADE EVER and CHUCK NORRIS NEVER RAN A HALF-MARATHON) we eventually we finished the race and I came in at a personal best of 2:45:13!!! And the entire time, there was my friend, barely breaking a sweat, while I looked like hell and felt like my legs were going to fucking fall off!!! She never left my side, never tried to throw me over a bridge, never tried to trip me... I'm surprised she didn't carry me on her back like we were re-creating some war movie while yelling "I WILL NOT LEAVE YOU BEHIND!!" Hell, we may as well have ran hand in hand!!!
It's funny cuz i'm sure she's reading this thinking i'm stupid and i'm not giving myself any credit, blah blah blah......... when I grow up, I wanna be an Ethiopian marathoner and make her eat my dust!!!!!!! I'm such a shitty friend aren't I??? NO I'M NOT!!!!!!! Don't even think it! I'm awesome!
Unfortunately all this awesome turned into a big ball of shit when I came home after the race and finally got sick!!! That's what i've been doing all week. Blowing snot, sleeping, hacking up god know's what, had upset stomach etc. My body was a big clusterfucking mess!!!! I'm almost better but HAD to write you a little because I missed you and because of the whole giddy shit with seeing how many hit's i've had on my blog!!! Never ever EVERRRRRRRR think I have nothing to say, my husband is fucking happy I have a blog now because he said it's just one more thing he DOESN'T have to listen to! He's so sick of me rambling random shit i'm sure he's wondering why I didn't do this sooner! HAHAHA!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, i'm going to go now, before I get into some weird ass touchy feely shit because I've had NyQuil floating around in my system for a few hours now! The last thing you need right now is me sounding drunk. I'm a funny drunk though... at least that's what I like to believe! We'll discuss more about that later!!!
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