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I grew up in a time where we were taught to "respect our elders" and never EVER talk back to them. If anything, we should listen to them because their old and wise and have a LOOOOT more experience in life than I do...
That said, I live in a relatively small, up and coming family community down the road from a predominately senior community. Our local grocery store honors our fellow senior citizens for being so darn outstanding by holding what "THEY" refer to as "Senior Discount Day" one day a month! "Come and get 10% off your groceries Seniors! You deserve it because you're awesome and we LOVE the dicken's outta you!!!"
"WE" on the other hand... as in, NOT the grocery store, but fellow patrons who share the company of these cottonheads, refer to it as "OLD PEOPLE WEDNESDAY"!!!
Look, I'm not TRYING to sound bitter. Most of them are cute and sweet and kind and smile a lot!!! But fuck that, i'm on to them!!! I dont think they smile to be cute and nice and sweet but to be kaniving little bastards! While your thinking, "OH MY GAWD, HURRY UP YOU OLD FART" as they try to figure out if they want the SpaghettiO's with or without Calcium, because if they DO get the ones with Calcium, it may mean having to cut their daily Calcium pill in half for that day and they don't remember where they put their freaking splitter! I'll tell you why their smiling from ear to hairy ear- they're smiling because they are F-U-C-K-I-N-G with you!!! I think they plan it all month while playing Bunko, to congregate at the end of the aisle with their dear friends that they just so "happened" to run into, forcing you to listen to their current conversation about their last doctors appointment because they "cant hear you" asking them if you can get through!!!
So, frustrating, right!!?? I 'KNOW' you know what i'm talking about! Why do I sound like I have a chip on my shoulder? Well, I'm sorry but it's because of THEM, that's why!!! Lemme tell you a little story about a time I needed to get some stuff at the grocery store on Old People Wednesday...
Once upon a time, I needed to get some stuff at the grocery store on Old People Wednesday. I should of turned back home when I saw every fucking stall in the parking lot jam packed. But I smiled and decided, it's no big deal, I'm in no rush, so, whatever, I will go in with these sweet people who are only here to get their OWN groceries to nurish their fragile little bodies!
I take myself and three of my kids in and away we go! I get this and that and shell out a few "No, we can't get that right now's" and yell at Badass to "Get back in the car!" as he tries to make a run for it out of the damn car grocery cart that is like 8 ft long and hard to manuver but HE wanted it so, sit the fuck down!!! ... Same ol' shit, different day... Anyway, there I am getting some healthy breakfast cereal's for my growing kids, oh who am I kidding. There I was getting cereal with the highest sugar contents to give my kids JUST enough of a sugar rush to get them through their school day's when I'm about to turn out of the aisle. Out of nowhere, comes this old man literally trying to shove me into the Pop Tart display as he forces his cart through to get into the aisle I am currently TRYING to exit! After he shoves his way through, all the while making direct eye contact with him the entire time, I turn and say, "WOW, AREN'T WE CONSIDERATE"... This sweet discount deserving old man totally looked at me and in a slow but pronounced tone and said
Wow, that's why your at the grocery store alone you fucking JACKASS!!! He is so lucky I had my kids, I was fucking fuming!!! I text my husband and was comforted knowing he was so mad he wanted to come down to the grocery store and kick his ass!!! Okay, maybe he didn't wanna kick his ass, but that fucker deserved it!!!
Next story...
I'm alone this time and made a quick run to the store for a few items I needed for dinner. I didn't want to go to a different store because it was Old People Wednesday and since I only had a few things to get I would be in and out in no time- I just have to use the self-check out!!!! Anyway, as I'm walking towards the self-checkout, I noticed there was an OBVIOUS long line, but a shorter line in the very first cashier attendent line for the 20 items or less. Okay, I can do that! So, I walk over and get in back of the lady that was there. A woman to my right is walking down the aisles and asks a sweet fragile old man if he was in line for the self-checkout so she can get behind him. I felt eyes burning holes in the back of my head when I heard
BUT, don't fuck with me either....
That said, I live in a relatively small, up and coming family community down the road from a predominately senior community. Our local grocery store honors our fellow senior citizens for being so darn outstanding by holding what "THEY" refer to as "Senior Discount Day" one day a month! "Come and get 10% off your groceries Seniors! You deserve it because you're awesome and we LOVE the dicken's outta you!!!"
"WE" on the other hand... as in, NOT the grocery store, but fellow patrons who share the company of these cottonheads, refer to it as "OLD PEOPLE WEDNESDAY"!!!
(Cue theme from Jaws)
Look, I'm not TRYING to sound bitter. Most of them are cute and sweet and kind and smile a lot!!! But fuck that, i'm on to them!!! I dont think they smile to be cute and nice and sweet but to be kaniving little bastards! While your thinking, "OH MY GAWD, HURRY UP YOU OLD FART" as they try to figure out if they want the SpaghettiO's with or without Calcium, because if they DO get the ones with Calcium, it may mean having to cut their daily Calcium pill in half for that day and they don't remember where they put their freaking splitter! I'll tell you why their smiling from ear to hairy ear- they're smiling because they are F-U-C-K-I-N-G with you!!! I think they plan it all month while playing Bunko, to congregate at the end of the aisle with their dear friends that they just so "happened" to run into, forcing you to listen to their current conversation about their last doctors appointment because they "cant hear you" asking them if you can get through!!!
((sigh))
So, frustrating, right!!?? I 'KNOW' you know what i'm talking about! Why do I sound like I have a chip on my shoulder? Well, I'm sorry but it's because of THEM, that's why!!! Lemme tell you a little story about a time I needed to get some stuff at the grocery store on Old People Wednesday...
Once upon a time, I needed to get some stuff at the grocery store on Old People Wednesday. I should of turned back home when I saw every fucking stall in the parking lot jam packed. But I smiled and decided, it's no big deal, I'm in no rush, so, whatever, I will go in with these sweet people who are only here to get their OWN groceries to nurish their fragile little bodies!
I take myself and three of my kids in and away we go! I get this and that and shell out a few "No, we can't get that right now's" and yell at Badass to "Get back in the car!" as he tries to make a run for it out of the damn car grocery cart that is like 8 ft long and hard to manuver but HE wanted it so, sit the fuck down!!! ... Same ol' shit, different day... Anyway, there I am getting some healthy breakfast cereal's for my growing kids, oh who am I kidding. There I was getting cereal with the highest sugar contents to give my kids JUST enough of a sugar rush to get them through their school day's when I'm about to turn out of the aisle. Out of nowhere, comes this old man literally trying to shove me into the Pop Tart display as he forces his cart through to get into the aisle I am currently TRYING to exit! After he shoves his way through, all the while making direct eye contact with him the entire time, I turn and say, "WOW, AREN'T WE CONSIDERATE"... This sweet discount deserving old man totally looked at me and in a slow but pronounced tone and said
"FUUUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!"
Uh...Esssskwoose me???
Knowing I had my kids with me I didn't wanna shove his fat ass into the Rice Krispies, so instead of a witty comeback- because I had to undo the shit he just did and because I respect my elders, I just calmly responded,
"Don't you just have a lovely mouth". He turned to me in front of my still shocked kids and said
"FUUUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!"
Wow, that's why your at the grocery store alone you fucking JACKASS!!! He is so lucky I had my kids, I was fucking fuming!!! I text my husband and was comforted knowing he was so mad he wanted to come down to the grocery store and kick his ass!!! Okay, maybe he didn't wanna kick his ass, but that fucker deserved it!!!
Next story...
I'm alone this time and made a quick run to the store for a few items I needed for dinner. I didn't want to go to a different store because it was Old People Wednesday and since I only had a few things to get I would be in and out in no time- I just have to use the self-check out!!!! Anyway, as I'm walking towards the self-checkout, I noticed there was an OBVIOUS long line, but a shorter line in the very first cashier attendent line for the 20 items or less. Okay, I can do that! So, I walk over and get in back of the lady that was there. A woman to my right is walking down the aisles and asks a sweet fragile old man if he was in line for the self-checkout so she can get behind him. I felt eyes burning holes in the back of my head when I heard
"I WAS in that line but FATTY over there just came and got in front of me!"
"Uhhh... Essssskwoose me?"
The lady just giggles and gets behind this guy with her grocery cart and her two t'weens. I turned to him and said "Uh... are you referring to ME!?"
He said, "Hell yes I am! You just came by and walked your fat ass right in front of me!"
ATTENTION CUSTOMERS: There will be a live smackdown at the front of the store. Tickets will be $25 at customer service. Fatty say's she will be performing The Crane made famous in the original Karate Kid movie and take out Grumpy Old Man by kicking him in his shriveled up balls!
Seriously, WTF old people!!?? The lady behind him was shocked!
She was all, "OMG YOU WERE SERIOUS!? I thought you were joking!!!"
I told her, "Oh no, he was totally serious, because somehow his line over there was making a line over here."
The poor shocked lady's daughter was just staring at this old man and couldn't resist. She looks at him and say's "You know, that was really rude of you to say that."
If her mom wasn't already weirded out, I would of hugged her daughter put her in my cart and taken her home, but instead I talked to her like he wasn't even there and told her,
"Oh sweety, I appreciate it but don't waste your breath. He's not listening to what anyone has to say!"
When my line moved I told the old fucker to get in front of me before he gives himself a heart attack and shits his pants. Okay, so I didn't say it like that because i'm respectul, and eventhough he was hesitant, he did! Later I scooted on over to the self-checkout line because it was moving along. While checking out, Shocked Lady said "OMG WOULDN'T IT BE FUNNY IF YOU FINISHED BEFORE HIM!"
I said, "Actually, i'm sure I will, he still has someone in front of him and i'm almost up!"
As I gave Shriveled Balls the ol' Fuck You by heading out before him, I loudly told Shocked Lady to have herself a very good day as I waved at her and she smiled! Shriveled Balls just glared at me.
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