uh... say again!!??

Dear LivingSocial/Groupon,

Thank you so much for all the emails you send me. I think it's great that you can get me deals on car washes, dinners, hotel rooms and even the occasional wall mural that I was considering for my sons room with the image of Anakin Skywalker and Obi Won Kenobi duking it out in the lava. Although the thought of it is tempting, I'm afraid my son may not like the idea that my husband may become his new roomate so that he can oogle at the image and possibly whip out some Light Sabers and recreate the scene in the middle of the night so the sabers can glow in the dark. The boy is 3 and needs his sleep.

As you can see, there are some pretty nify ideas that you toss around. As a mother of 4 who is a shitty house keeper, even your deals on having a maid come and clean my baseboards is a great idea, although, I may cause her physical harm if she messes with my "piles" of stuff. I'm not a "hoarder" by definition, but if she lays a finger on my piles, she may lose it. Besides, I think it's pointless to try and redeem one of those deals as well since the husband will only want to allow a nude maid to come and clean the house on his day off while the kids are at school and i'm at the store. Since this will only result in my commiting a felony for chopping the husbands wang like I was a contestant in the Iron Chef, it's a good thing you don't offer that! That would of really put me in a pickle!!!

Again, REAAAAALLY good ideas. Now, I don't know if you have spy's that go around monitoring the sort of people who buy your products but, I took real offense when I was going through my hundreds of old mail that I refuse to delete and found a deal for Laser Hair Removal around Christmastime. I know I haven't Nair'd my upper lip in a while but, WTF? I can see me now on Christmas morning opening an envelope from the husband - Nothing say's Merry Christmas you HAIRY BEAST like "5 VISITS FOR LASER HAIR REMOVAL!"

And yes, I "may" get a little cranky, intolerable and testy when i'm PMSing but what the FUCK with the Colon Hydrotherapy!? I'm sorry but I do know how to wipe my ass when I go to the bathroom. Maybe you don't and need to wash your own shit out but HOW IN THE HELL do you give that as a "gift" to up to 2 people?? HEY, I HEARD YOUR BEING A TIGHTWAD, GO CLEAN YOUR ASS OUT AND YOU'LL FEEL MUCH BETTER!!! I had enough trouble trying to discreetly tell the waiter at the restaurant we had a Groupon for our dinner once, HOW in the world do I tell go to some clinic and say "I got a discount to get water shot up my ass, where do I go?" The doctor might get mad that he isn't getting paid full price and may use a solution that he insists is a saline mixture and next thing I know I will be farting bubbles for the next two weeks!!!

Anyway, I just wanted to write this as a personal thank you for all the magnificent deals you do tend to send. Thanks to you I will no longer look like Chewbacca a week from Tuesday and according to the doctor I only have 3 more day's til I stop farting the bubbles. Apparently he accidently used the Hundreds of Bubbles he had bought for his kids birthday. Silly doctor!!!

Love,
Brenda