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HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!!!!!
Hugs and cheers and screams could be heard throughout the house as all the greatful children can be heard loudly showing their appreciation to the woman who does EVERYTHING for them without question - simply because she loves them. They squeeze extra hard and give her a soft WAY TO GO MOM punch on the shoulder for all the times she came to the rescue and brought you your school ID because you forgot it in your room, for bringing you your homework to school because you forgot it on the couch, for bringing you your cross country uniform because you forgot it in the dryer and you have a meet that afternoon, for allowing you to sleep in her bed at night despite the fact that you wake her up at crack ass in the morning and slap her, kick her and hog the bed all night despite the fact that you are a small human being who say's he's "scared" to sleep in his room....
REALITY CHECK!!!!!
..... I think I should of gotten THIS card for Mother's Day.....
I don't know about you, but HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY doesn't mean SHIT in this household!!! I HEAR the words but they hold NO meaning!!!!!!! I'm better off Netflixing an old Cosby Show episode where Claire might be getting the full queen treatment complete with a tiara, manicures, pedicures, massages, obedient kids that smile and ask IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WOULD LIKE FOR US TO DO FOR YOU, MOTHER???
Don't get me wrong, I am so not an ungreatful bitch! I do acknowledge that I get gifts, I get the silly cards, the nice cards, the undercooked or overcooked breakfast that tastes like the BEST-BREAKFAST-i'd-ever-had-in-my-life-but-can-I-please-have-more-juice/iced tea-to-wash-this-down, nice dinner... but in between eating my breakfast and dinner, I get a whole lotta NOTHING!!!
Today was an exception, the kids made me a fantastic breakfast of Nutella crepes stuffed with strawberries and banana's and topped with whipped cream. It's soooo not on my diet plan and I'm sure I will get shit for it but OH MY GAWD was it good!!!!! After breakfast I sat on the couch for a while and tried hard not get up and tend to a few things that were clearly annoying the shit outta me but decided to not do anything because i'm sure the husband had told the kids what he tells them EVERY year... "HELP OUT YOUR MOM OR SO HELP ME I WILL BEAT YOUR ASS IF I FIND OUT YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!!"
Isn't he just the sweetest man EVERRRR??????
Eventually I put down the 3 year old for a nap, the 7 year old was already napping on cue- I had told her to go clean her room. I headed into my room and got myself ready for the day. I decided I was gonna get some peace and quiet, because after all, isn't that what Mother's Day is all about? Running away and hiding from the very creatures that are the reason why you celebrate this day in the first place??? HELL YES!!! It's the ONLY day of the year that you should be allowed to do absolutely NOTHING and not feel guilty about it! No chores, no answering to the ...
"MOM, CAN YOU.......?"
"NOOOOO!!!!!!!! Now go away!!!"
It's the day where you should be allowed to hide out, eat old Girl Scout Cookies, inhale tubs of ice cream, read, watch movie marathons of all the shit the kids don't let you watch because their hogging the TV with their damn shows ranging from cartoons with creepy characters that must of been created by someone tripping on acid to shows about horny teenage kids who dress like sluts and have kids and apparently live on their own because their parent's are never around- and people wonder why they dress like sluts and have kids...
Today I decided to head out to the store and run a few errands WITHOUT any children since I had a list of stuff they knew I wanted them to do. Apparently MY children misunderstood my leaving as permission to watch TV and go and lazy around in their rooms and fall asleep. The "Help your mom and do things around the house so she doesn't have to do anything" plea from the husband goes in one ear and out the other!!!
I was out for about an hour and a half. They had PLENTY of time to finish the random shit I asked them to do but when I walk in the door two of the kids are still in their pajamas, the boy is still sleeping and I believe the teen had finally gotten out of bed and was fixing her hair since she had to work tonight...
OH. MY. GAWD...
I come home with a few groceries and a dried up crepe is still sitting on the kitchen counter, stuff from our mall trip yesterday is STILL in the front room eventhough I asked the kids to put their stuff away, there's an Ethiopian kid standing in my kitchen wondering how to open my fridge...I mean SHIT is everywhere and I finally lost it and yelled at EVERYONE to get their asses downstairs and pick up all their crap! WHEN THE FUCK did Mother's Day turn into, OKAY, WE KISSED YOUR ASS THIS MORNING SO WE DON'T HAVE TO DO SHIT THE REST OF THE DAY Kid's Day???
They're so lucky that I could get into serious trouble if I decided to administer ass beatings upon waking Mother's Day morning. And the husband STILL refuses to get me the highly requested Nerf Disk gun with fast reload so I can shoot the kids when I feel like it! I'm sure adoption is outta the question because usually people only wanna adopt cute little kids that they can help mold into fine members of society, NOT kids who roll their eyes, act like air heads when they feel like it or 3 year old boys who get a kick out of calling their mom by their first name. And i'm not completely cold hearted- I haven't left them in a dumpster because I'd feel bad if they didn't get picked up and they get cold and hungry and I haven't traveled to China to leave them in an orphanage, 1. because I don't have the money 2. because I'm almost afraid that they would try and return them before I leave the country...
I did get over it after yelling at them a bit. I did NOT want to go on all day being mad at them. I even asked the husband not to say anything to them for me (eventhough I accidentally ratted the kids out to him!!) They realized they screwed up, did what they needed too and all was hunky dory. We shared laughs, hugs, smiles took a few funny pics with the teen, had a delicious dinner which even the teen was able to join us because she got home a bit early from work. I love my kids with all my heart and like I've said before I would KILL someone if they ever did anything to harm my kids... but OH MY GAWD do they drive me nuts!!!!! One of these day's i'm going to send President Brotha' Man a bill for the $118,000 some odd dollars that they say a Stay-at-home mom would earn for all the shit she does!!!
Hope you all had a fantastic Mother's Day!
Well, finally, after everything else on my "stay at home mom" plate has been cleared, I finally got a chance to read the entire blog. I am contacting Rand McNally cuz you write everything that most people think, but are affraid to say out load.
ReplyDeleteOn my fabulous Mothers Day, my little guy came downstairs looking for breakfast, (no breakfast in bed for me), no racing at me with a giant hug, not even a "Happy Mothers Day"...Finally I said to him "Sam, do you know what today is?", He responded, "Yeah, its Mothers Day". At which point I thought that would have prompted at least the guilt fed hug, but no....that set the course for the day.
This only lit the furnace inside my blackend heart and forced me to make sure everyone,(including the husband) had a horrible day right along with me. I had to actually go excercise, which is the bain of my existance, to get away from it all...
And after all of my pouting, at the end of the day, I still wanted to tuck the little spoiled brat, i mean Angel, into bed. The love of a Mother knows not how to stay mad.. She craves happiness for her child. And yes, I will continue to drag his little but to swim practice every night, clean, feed and spoil him, and yes, kiss his sweet face.